Stand out to a new colleague with 1 hour introduction 1:1 where you don’t talk about current team, project, and role technicals. How I found this out, approach, and the psychology behind.
My constant arguing led to reduced interactions in team and unfavorable perception. My career was impacted as I couldn’t build trust. To rebuild relations I did recurring 1:1s with the team, which worked, but consumed time and topics ran out. As time went I pivoted to creating good relationship from the beginning through single intro 1:1s.
For 1:1s
Prepare by looking at LinkedIn profile and note any achievements of interest. Check social media activity and personal sites if time allows.
Communicate 1:1 is to get to know each other. It’s “Ask Me Anything”. It’s not about the current role / team / project.
Ask person to go through their career and biggest accomplishments. Go through the ones you noted and learn more. Admire the ones that impress you. Idea is to show genuine interest and make them feel important. These are basic natural strives for each human and satisfying them will unconsciously make them like you.
Find out what they like about where they live and exchange point of views. Learn about hobbies and if there’s a match focus on it. Discuss housing, beauties of raising kids, fitness, cooking.. Idea is to find common interests and bonding points to use going forward. To become similar. To stick in their mind. To not be just another colleague.
Open up and tell about your career, your challenges, your mistakes, what you are trying to improve, where you need help. Ask to get feedback later when you come off. Idea is to show vulnerability. That you’re human as everyone else. It’s powerful as if the person was restrained, they’ll see it’s safe and often will share what’s bothering them. It’s opportunity to coach each other.
Share career goals and what’s preventing to get there. Offer help and tell you’ll support them. Idea is to show you’re not competing and to start building trust.
If time permits discuss: Health of relations in team; Perception of manager; Where team can improve; How peculiar company process works;
End on high note by thanking them for chatting with you and that you’re happy to help at any time.
Hallmark of great 1:1 is when the 1h is overrun, person is engaged throughout, they talk more than you + got something out of the session, and they want to keep in touch.
Show genuine interest.
Let them talk about their accomplishments.
Make person feel important.
Show vulnerability.
Offer your help.
Cooperate.
I found out about the psychology aspects later when I read [1].
P.S If you find that short phrases like the ones above are not enough to settle in your mind and lead to actions - you might need to understand the “why” behind and see many examples to stick in. [1] has all that.
[1] How to Win Friends and Influence People