I highlighted imperfections. Why ideas won’t work. Prepared for the worst. Over stressed on details. Was vocal on subjective matters. Rated days on amount of bad experiences. Didn’t point out good outcomes, good behavior, and wasn’t positive. All traits of a pessimist. Of me. I was not happy. And was emotionally draining people.
As career and family relationships were not progressing an change was due. My mentor told me to find and praise positives in the day and to suppress gloomy urges. And [1] taught me how to regulate feelings.
Happiness is feeling and we don’t have direct control over our feelings. Actions and thoughts however can influence feelings, and we have control over our actions, and to a good extent to our thoughts. So if we act as happy, after time we will feel happier. If we act as confident, we will start to feel confident. It’s a pattern for regulating feelings.
I followed the advices, shifted mindset to look for positives and my perspectives changed:
-
I started rating the day as good if I had positive experiences. By mid day if there was no good outcome I thought what can be done till rest of day to make up for it. Days became good.
-
My family with 4 kids was ill with diarrhea and vomiting for 2 weeks - Great! Our bodies cleaned just before the holidays. And we got to go over 2 viruses at once.
-
Recruiter requested for a job fit call. Instead of, “Ugh, waste of our time” it’s now “Cool, let’s see what they do differently”.
-
I went to a conference to meet with customer. Joined presentations and stuffed so much food that I became sick. My attitude was “lets learn what’s new” instead of “these boring presentations”. I took the sickness as learning how my body reacts after a prolonged calory diet. At the end I felt the event was great and that I learned a lot!
-
Before I gave remarks on my preferences when my wife queried on her cooking, dress up, actions. Now I praise the good, even if not up to my liking, and sometimes do it even without being asked.
-
When my manager asks me how’s it going it’s now “Everything’s great, here’s what happened and what I learned” instead of neutral “It’s OK”.
As a result I indeed feel much happier and optimistic. Negative feelings diminished - and this alone makes the mindset shift totally worth it. I don’t ignore the imperfections, but focus to prevent them in future, and suppress voicing them if no value.
Initially change was awkward. It felt like gaslighting. It required effort to uncover positives. But after a couple weeks the feelings adjusted and the actions became natural.
I’m amazed by the change. And I’m nobody for you, far below the successful people you follow. So if a random person can shift mindset towards happiness and positivity, what about you? You surely can do it. But do you want it? Think about it.
[1] How to Win Friends and Influence People