I rarely smiled. My lips would be in neutral position and I wasn’t interested in conversations. Reflection of my pessimism and egoism. These traits I think also shaped my face in one that can’t create a welcoming smile. And consequence is not great first perception. A barrier for people to speak first to me.
I wasn’t aware the effect lack of a smile had. But unconsciously seeing a person with a grin always led to a good impression. Double so when the smile is consistent with time. Without knowing person I’d feel closer and naturally inclined to speak to them. And when the smile was gone I’d ask what happened? As the change in aura is stark.
Mid 2023 I was improving my soft skills by practicing small talk and showing genuine interest to people I wanted to build relations with. And what luck I had as unexpectedly I got to a chapter on the effect of a smile in [1].
Smile says “I like you. I’m glad to see you. You make me happy”. It’s one reason why dogs and babies are so lovable. It shows one is having a good time and preconditions similar response. It’s hard to respond in another mood just as it’s hard to self-control when the other side is negative. I’ve noticed smile disarms me when I’m affected and my wife suddenly switches to a positive expression.
The learning triggered me to try it out and it didn’t disappoint. On the daily kids playground visit I kept a smile and saw opposing smiles from other parents when our eyesights crossed. New people spoke to me first more often. I even got asked by friends “Where’s the smile? We miss it!” after I came to the park couple times without it. Close parents and colleagues became friendlier / happier to see me. It helped make interactions with customers pleasant and they answered in the same way.
I’m now conscious about smiling and use it with a thought. I put it on when I want to have a good time and am open for conversation. And avoid it when I’d like to be with myself. Great way to start any engagement when coupled with mindset for good time, cheerful first words, and letting other person talk for his interest.
Still an egoist though, but the pessimism is slowly reduced one change at a time.
[1] How to Win Friends and Influence People