A CTO met with me and an Account Manager (AM). The AM and CTO exchanged updates, and I listened. I had no topics and was first time close to the CTO. As talk went on my main thought was, “I hope the AM occupies available time so I don’t have to smalltalk.” I was ashamed to speak to the CTO. The emotion surprised me, but I had taken a path that led to it.
Rewind.
My mentor and [1] advise to research stakeholders. To prepare questions for their accomplishments. To show interest. To do my homework. To talk in terms of their interests. I followed.
Research and prepared questions helped me understand background of a Head of Tech on first 1:1. We spent 40 minutes on what made him successful and his side interests. It made him feel safe to share critical feedback towards us. A black swan. Unexpected information enabling corrections.
I couldn’t find anything on a procurement specialist. Nothing. No LinkedIn, no Facebook, no Twitter, no blog. Finding the fact interesting I used it as conversation starter. I asked why the low profile. It’s to avoid cold calls from vendors. After this starter it was easier to find common interest.
On first 1:1 Director of Tech shared how he raised in ranks by building side projects and releasing them to his peers. I had expressed interest to learn about his achievements. His platforms won engineers due saved time and won leaders with saved $. It was a pattern for him. The session, I believe, reminded him on the good job he did, in a time when he was facing uncertainty. And work topics for which I had called the 1:1? I followed on in a 2nd session.
I occupied customer Tech Lead with topics outside of our work relations, for 1 out of 2 hours. It surprised me as I was with 2 peers on the table. Who have better soft skills and had interacted more with the Tech Lead. 30min research as I traveled on way in helped me keep the conversation going. Plus mindset of, “I’ll have a great time meeting him.”
Looking up customers and peers became a habit. It allowed me to skip the part I most dislike in human interactions. The 0 ground smalltalk until a common interest is found. It also put the spotlight on them, rather than me. And the interest made them feel good. I feel extended informal Q&A with focus on achievements elevates me quickly to a status of “I’m speaking to Georgi, the human,” rather than “I’m speaking to the TAM.”
Fast forward.
It was customer visit that day. I looked up 3 stakeholders for 3 1:1 meetings. I didn’t research the CTO as more decision makers had to join, but didn’t. And that left me in awkward position, where if we had to fill in time, I might had to smalltalk with him. With 0 questions in mind, it was not an experiment I wanted to undertake. Thankfully the AM didn’t let a second go to waste.
[1] How to Win Friends and Influence People